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Sheena Oxer

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  • Topsham, Exeter, Devon, UK/online

Sheena Oxer

I believe that every person has the right to a peaceful and happy life and be set free

Why do we judge our emotions?

When we were younger our emotions came and went and we didn’t really concern ourselves with it. When we were toddlers, sometimes we laughed and sometimes we cried. Did this mean that there was a problem? Did we judge ourselves as sad when we cried? No, it was sadness passing through. Then we were innocently taught that something was wrong and there had to be a reason for it. We learned from seeing and hearing what our parents did. They innocently taught us what they were taught. In the same way, I innocently pass on this misunderstanding to my children. So we learn that it is OK to laugh together but it isn’t OK to be sad together, not really sad. Then the sadness changes, to something with a different label, worry, anxiety, depression.

Then we judge it, we think that we shouldn’t be feeling it, we should be able to be happy. Really!!? Can you think of anyone who is happy all the time? I can’t. We are human and it feels true to me that we feeling different things at different times. We cannot feel the same thing, happy, all of the time.

Have you been asked questions like:

Why are you feeling sad?

Who are you upset with?

Who made you angry?

What happened in your past to make you so depressed?

All of these questions are missing something fundamental to how we experience life. They are missing that each feeling comes with a thought. The only time I can think is right now.

So the answer to all of the questions above is ‘because I have a thought that comes with that feeling right now’.

Why are you feeling sad?

Because I have a thought that comes with a sad feeling right now. Full stop.

Who are you upset with?

I have a thought that comes with an upset feeling right now. Full stop.

Who made you angry?

No one can make me angry, I have a thought that comes with an angry feeling.

If another person, for example, Dave, can make me angry, why isn’t everyone angry with Dave? Because they think differently about Dave.

What happened in your past to make you so depressed?

Nothing, I have a thought that comes with a depressed feeling right now. It may be about something that happened in the past but the only time I can experience anything is right now.

This is so refreshingly simple and removes the thinking that we used to have about our past, other people and ourselves. It isn’t something to change about myself it is something to know.

When we teach this to young children they understand this so easily as they have had less time to misunderstand what is going on.

What I am talking about is a description of how we experience our everyday life.

As this is a description of what is already happening there is nothing to do.

We don’t have to allow it.

We don’t have to accept it.

We don’t have to let it go.

The feeling can be there, it is coming from a thought. From a thought that is coming to you, right now.

When we know that it is coming from right now, not from the past, not because we are broken, just because. Then it isn’t judged any more. It just is.

Judging our emotions doesn’t make sense to us any more when we know where the feelings are coming from.